“The fate of our country is now in the hands of people who don't think about what they want until they get right up to the register at McDonald's.”

“I like talking about people who don't have any power and it seems like some of the least powerful people in the United States are the migrant workers who come and do our work and don't have any rights as a result. And yet we still invite them to come here, and at the same time ask them to leave.”

“It's the way our founding fathers would have wanted it, if they had founded corporations instead of just a country.”

“Summer movie idea: take all the sequels that are out right now, and make movies about their backstories.”

“Women don't want all that. Women just want a partner who is considerate and attentive, who will spoon with them while reciting Keats, and feed them organic yogurt by candlelight on a seaside cliff at sunset.”

“Twenty-two astronauts were born in Ohio. What is it about your statethat makes people want to flee the Earth?"- Stephen Colbert to Congresswoman Stephanie Tubbs Jones,"The Colbert Report," November 3, 2005”

“There's an old saying about those who forget history. I don't remember it, but it's good.”