“Twenty-two astronauts were born in Ohio. What is it about your statethat makes people want to flee the Earth?"- Stephen Colbert to Congresswoman Stephanie Tubbs Jones,"The Colbert Report," November 3, 2005”

“Senator John Kyle claiming that over 90 percent of what Planned Parenthood does is abortion.Stephen Colbert: Over 90 percent, that is unbelievable...in that it is not true. Only 3 percent of what Planned Parenthood does is abortion. Kyle just rounded it up to the nearest 90.”

“Ghost of Bobby: no, no you can't eat me. I'm a ghost.Stephen Colbert: That just means that there's less bones to pick out.”

“Like O'Rielly, we'll grab the most important word of each sentence... 'The' for example. Also, I'll say, 'I'm angry,' and the graphic will read, 'Colbert angry.”

“The fate of our country is now in the hands of people who don't think about what they want until they get right up to the register at McDonald's.”

“I report, I decide.”

“You said in your book that at the end of the day, every politician is human. What about during the day?”