“What's the worst that can happen? A tidal wave? Glaciers with guns?”

“It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.”

“The pen is mightier than the sword, if you shoot that pen out of a gun”

“The worst thing about affirmative action is that it encourages reverse discrimination, so-called because it goes in the opposite way of how we naturally discriminate.”

“Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Just put 'em through a spell check and go home. The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change; this man's beliefs never will.”

“So if animals aren't our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns.”

“A new study shows that having a severe phobia can hasten aging. But what if my greatest fear IS aging?!?”