“How can one not be fond of something that the Daily Mail despises?”

“Can you imagine the reaction of a British tabloid newspaper if they found a small school in rural England hosting a party like this? A party? In a school? With children present? Where marijuana is openly smoked? And comdoms are given away at the door?Imagine the headlines! How much would the Daily Mail hate this? How much would the Daily Mail love to hate this?!”

“I am sick of reading on Daily Mail message boards that I am 'one of these foul-mouthed modern comedians' when I am absolutely not. Honestly, who are these cunts?”

“3 people get stranded on a remote IslandA Banker, a Daily Mail reader & an Asylum seekerAll they have to eat is a box of 10 Mars bars The Banker says "Because of my expertise in asset management, I''ll look after our resources"The other 2 agreeSo the Banker opens the box, gobbles down 9 of the Mars bars and hands the last one to the Daily Mail readerHe then says " I'd keep an eye on that Asylum seeker, he's after your Mars Bar”

“Mr. Beresford put down the Daily Mail, which he was reading, and applauded with somewhat unnecessary vigour. He was politely requested by his colleague not to be an ass.”

“And oh, Claudia, Claudilla, ask me to do something -something that I can do. Do not ask me to forget you or to be indifferent to you. Do not ask me to have no interest in how you pass your time. But if we are separated, set me a task, something that will be a daily link with you.”