“A dimwit thinks nothing is funny unless it's mean.”

“Anyone who thinks impressions of old movie actors is funny absolutely cannot be trusted. I think it's like a law of nature.”

“High school isn't a very important place. When you're going you think it's a big deal, but when it's over nobody really thinks it was great unless they're beered up.”

“It's like the old pie-in-the-face routine: it stops being funny when it starts being you.”

“It's funny how close the past is, sometimes. Sometimes it seems as if you could almost reach out and touch it. Only who really wants to?”

“Come to a book as you would come to an unexplored land. Come without a map. Explore it, and draw your own map.... A book is like a pump. It gives nothing unless first you give to it. ”

“It's the grapefruit. By which I mean its the pink one.-Steven DeschainWizard and Glass (Dark Tower #4)”