“Chris: How do you know if a Frenchman has been in your backyard?Teddy: Hey, I'm French, okay?Chris: Your garbage cans are empty and your dog's pregnant.[Chris and Gordie laugh]Teddy: Didn't I just say I was French?”

“Teddy, Vern, Chris: I don't shut up. I grow up. And when I look at you, I throw up. Aghhh!Gordie: And then your mom goes around the corner and she licks it up.”

“Gordie: Do you think I'm weird?Chris: Definitely.Gordie: No man, seriously. Am I weird?Chris: Yeah, but so what? Everybody's weird”

“Chris: I'm never gonna get out of this town am I, Gordie?Gordie: You can do anything you want, man.Chris: Yeah, sure. Give me some skin.Gordie: I'll see ya.Chris: Not if I see you first.”

“Gordie: Alright, alright, Mickey's a mouse, Donald's a duck, Pluto's a dog. What's Goofy?Vern: If I could only have one food for the rest of my life? That's easy-Pez. Cherry-flavored Pez. No question about it.Teddy: Goofy's a dog. He's definitely a dog.Gordie: I knew the $64,000 question was fixed. There's no way anybody could know that much about opera!Chris: He can't be a dog. He drives a car and wears a hat.Gordie: Wagon Train's a really cool show, but did you notice they never get anywhere? They just keep wagon training.Vern: Oh, God. That's weird. What the hell is Goofy?”

“What I'd show you is much more bizarre than anything we have looked at so far, and I warn you in advance that the first impulse will be to laugh. That's all right. Laugh if you must. Just don't take your eye off what you see, for even in your imagination, here is a creature who can do you damage.”

“You said 'God is cruel' the way a person who's lived his whole life on Tahiti might say 'Snow is cold'. You knew, but you didn't understand." He stepped close to David and put his palms on the boy's cold cheeks. "Do you know how cruel your God can be, David. How fantastically cruel?”