“Gordie: Alright, alright, Mickey's a mouse, Donald's a duck, Pluto's a dog. What's Goofy?Vern: If I could only have one food for the rest of my life? That's easy-Pez. Cherry-flavored Pez. No question about it.Teddy: Goofy's a dog. He's definitely a dog.Gordie: I knew the $64,000 question was fixed. There's no way anybody could know that much about opera!Chris: He can't be a dog. He drives a car and wears a hat.Gordie: Wagon Train's a really cool show, but did you notice they never get anywhere? They just keep wagon training.Vern: Oh, God. That's weird. What the hell is Goofy?”

“Chris: How do you know if a Frenchman has been in your backyard?Teddy: Hey, I'm French, okay?Chris: Your garbage cans are empty and your dog's pregnant.[Chris and Gordie laugh]Teddy: Didn't I just say I was French?”

“Gordie: Do you think I'm weird?Chris: Definitely.Gordie: No man, seriously. Am I weird?Chris: Yeah, but so what? Everybody's weird”

“A man’s life was five dogs long, Cortland believed. The first was the one that taught you. The second was the one you taught. The third and fourth were the ones you worked. The last was the one that outlived you. That was the winter dog. Cortland’s winter dog had no name. He thought of it only as the scarecrow dog…”

“Teddy, Vern, Chris: I don't shut up. I grow up. And when I look at you, I throw up. Aghhh!Gordie: And then your mom goes around the corner and she licks it up.”

“It's a little place on the Pacific Ocean. You know what the Mexicans say about the Pacific? They say it has no memory. That's where I want to live the rest of my life. A warm place with no memory.”

“Chris: I'm never gonna get out of this town am I, Gordie?Gordie: You can do anything you want, man.Chris: Yeah, sure. Give me some skin.Gordie: I'll see ya.Chris: Not if I see you first.”