“Here is one of the great truths of the human condition: when you need Stayfree Maxi Pads to absorb the expectorants produced by your insulted body, you are in serious fucking trouble.”

“When you need Stayfree MaxiPads to absorb the expectorants produced by your insulted body, you are in serious fucking trouble.”

“New Maxi-Pad Pets. Accessories for your period.Brought to you by The Corporation: In your homes andin your pants.”

“Because being assaulted with maxi pads is a great way to win friends and influence people.”

“I was ten. I had noticed something was weird earlier in the day, but I knew from commercials that one's menstrual period was a blue liquid that you poured like laundry detergent onto maxi pads to test their absorbency. This wasn't blue, so...I ignored it for a few hours.”

“The line from Pulp Fiction—the one Samuel L. Jackson shouts at John Travolta as they’re trying to wash blood off their hands—pops into my head: 'I used the same soap you did and when I dried my hands, the towel didn't look like no fuckin’ maxi-pad!' I almost—almost—share this most quotable of cinematic quotes with him, when I remember it contains The Word. You know: 'maxi-pad.”