“I have a real problem with bloat -- I write like fat ladies diet.”

“Diets are essentially training courses in how to feel fat and feel like a failure.”

“It would be like a cleansing diet. The problem was, the only diet I'd ever been on backfired. Once I tried to go an entire month without chocolate. Not one bite. At the end of two weeks, I broke down and binged on more chocolate that I would have eaten in three months. I hoped my chocolate-free diet didn't foreshadow what would happen if I tried to avoid Patch.”

“I have heard one doctor call high-protein, high-fat, low-carbohydrate diets “make-yourself-sick” diets, and I think that’s an appropriate moniker. You can also lose weight by undergoing chemotherapy or starting a heroin addiction, but I wouldn’t recommend those, either.”

“Children should have a balanced diet. They should only consume sugar, salt, and fat in equal quantities.”

“Perhaps you have a lumpy ass because you are perserving your fat cells with diet soda”