“Gun stripping is the tea ceremony of America.”

“Used a replica gun to steal a replica sportscar and experienced a replica of remorse”

“In America, fundamentalist Christians believe the world was created 6,000 years ago - in England people drink in bars that are older than that.”

“a story is ready when it falls from your face”

“Ideas are self-replenishing, like snot”

“One golfer a year is hit by lightning. This may be the only evidence we have of god’s existence.”

“The most amusing thing about a pantomime horse is the necessity of having to shoot it twice.”