“In America, fundamentalist Christians believe the world was created 6,000 years ago - in England people drink in bars that are older than that.”

“The trustiest rule of social disintegration: bars burn last.”

“Gun stripping is the tea ceremony of America.”

“One golfer a year is hit by lightning. This may be the only evidence we have of god’s existence.”

“It’s hard for people to stampede when they’re strutting”

“Originality irritates so obscurely that people may have to evolve to scratch it.”

“Fractal litigation, whereby the flapping of a butterfly’s wings on one side of the world resulted in a massive compensation claim on the other.”