“Since childhood I’d been suspected of imagination”

“The clerk tripped on the carpet, hit a window and went through, carrying with him a vase which had been on the sill. His skull broke like the vase and the vase broke like his skull, and both burst forth water mainly, and from the vase some flowers. If I could choose a death I’d make it something like that, except I’d add a good woman and some lard.”

“He had long been curious at leaders intermittent calls for a return to past values and had tested the notion by trying to build a house from the sky downwards”

“a story is ready when it falls from your face”

“Ideas are self-replenishing, like snot”

“One golfer a year is hit by lightning. This may be the only evidence we have of god’s existence.”

“The most amusing thing about a pantomime horse is the necessity of having to shoot it twice.”