“He turned the gun sideways! That’s a kill shot!”

“Yeah, I went hunting once. Shot a deer in the leg. Had to kill it with a shovel. Took about an hour. Why do you ask?”

“Everyone said to Vincent van Gogh, "You can't be a great painter, you only have one ear." And you know what he said? "I can't hear you.”

“Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate, so he’s really not a part of our family. Also, he’s divorced, so he’s really not a part of his family.”

“So Ryan got promoted to corporate, where he is a big fish in a little pond. Where as back here in Scranton I'm still top dog, in a fairly large pond. So who is the real boss, the dog or the fish?”

“Nothing to me feels as good as laughing incredibly hard.”

“That is a perfectly good mini Christmas tree. We are going to sell that to charity because that is what Christmas is all about.”