“It is St Patrick's Day and here at Scranton, that is a huge deal... It is the closest that the Irish will ever get to Christmas.”

“So Ryan got promoted to corporate, where he is a big fish in a little pond. Where as back here in Scranton I'm still top dog, in a fairly large pond. So who is the real boss, the dog or the fish?”

“That is a perfectly good mini Christmas tree. We are going to sell that to charity because that is what Christmas is all about.”

“Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information.”

“You all took a life here today. The life of the party.”

“You may look around, and see two groups here. White collar, blue collar. But I don’t see it that way. You know why not? Because I am collar-blind.”

“They say that when you find true love, you know within the first 24 hours. Well with Carol I knew within the first 24 minutes... of the second day that I met her.”