“Joan Baxter (Lauren Graham): “You want to build a boat?”Evan Baxter: “It might be something fun for the family. Go sailing on the lake. I don’t know. [looking at his feet, under his breath] Be great in case it floods or something…”

“The White House reception committee greeted the Prime Ribroast Minister and… I do the cha-cha like a sissy girl. I lik-a do da cha-cha. I’m sorry we seem to be having some technical difficulties.” — Evan Baxter”

“You may look around, and see two groups here. White collar, blue collar. But I don’t see it that way. You know why not? Because I am collar-blind.”

“Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate, so he’s really not a part of our family. Also, he’s divorced, so he’s really not a part of his family.”

“Everyone said to Vincent van Gogh, "You can't be a great painter, you only have one ear." And you know what he said? "I can't hear you.”

“Is it true that if you don’t USE it you LOSE it?”

“I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon, sue me. And since I don’t have a butler, I have to do it myself. So, most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill. I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious, it’s good for me, it’s the perfect way to start the day.”