“We stole the Statue of Liberty…! [the minions cheer] …the small one, from Las Vegas!”[the cheers stop] — as Gru”

“It was kind of like they were just giving us a toy to play with, to do whatever we wanted with.”

“I have no idea where my pathetic nature comes from. If I thought about it too long, it would depress me.”

“That is a perfectly good mini Christmas tree. We are going to sell that to charity because that is what Christmas is all about.”

“Instead of telling our young people to plan ahead, we should tell them to plan to be surprised.” — Dan Burns”

“Everyone said to Vincent van Gogh, "You can't be a great painter, you only have one ear." And you know what he said? "I can't hear you.”

“The White House reception committee greeted the Prime Ribroast Minister and… I do the cha-cha like a sissy girl. I lik-a do da cha-cha. I’m sorry we seem to be having some technical difficulties.” — Evan Baxter”