“I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.”

“You want to know how I think art should be taught to children? Take them to a museum and say, 'This is art, and you can't do it.”

“I just gave my cat a bath. Now how do I get all this fur off my tounge?”

“Only then does he realize what he has done to Mirabelle, how wanting a square inch of her and not all of her has damaged them both, and how he cannot justify his actions except that, well, it was life.”

“If you occasionally wonder how I know about some of the events I describe in this book, I don't. I have found that--just as in real life--imagination sometimes has to stand in for experience.”

“Let's suppose that you want to say, "I am a jerk." IN the 18th century, you would have to go around person to person and utter the phrase individually to each one of them. However, here in the third millennium, with our advances in telephone communication, it is possible to say "I am a jerk" to a thousand people at a time by forgetting to turn off your cell phone and having it ring during a performance of Death of a Salesman.”

“I guess I wouldn't believe in anything anymore if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch.”