“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark. ”

“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”

“I aimed at the public's heart, and by accident I hit it in the stomach.”

“It was an accident," Deborah declared."Yeah, the man she intended to hit ducked. I just happened to be behind him.”

“If an ambulance gets in a wreck, who drives them to the hospital? Why doesn’t the hospital drive to them? I volunteer to drive, and the volume of speeding tickets I have shows I'm qualified to get there in a rush.”

“Instead of finding myself in the future, I traveled about fifty metres along the sidewalk at 200mph before finding myself in a bush. When asked by the nurse filling out the hospital accident reports 'Cause of accident?' I stated, 'time travel attempt' but she wrote down 'stupidity'.”