“Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.”

“In God's eyes all children are beautiful but here on earth we have higher standards.”

“In America, we know to ignore artists if they're serious in any way.”

“I don't like the new president who hunts muslim extremists, I like the old president who is a muslim extremist.”

“I hold a little fundraiser every day. Its called going to work.”

“New study reveals men like to cuddle. Another study reveals men will say anything to get into bed with a woman.”

“Isn't an agnostic just an atheist without balls?”