“Arrogance and stupidity is a deadly combination.”

“You must understand the pain and grief of losing someone is nothing more than a function of survival.”

“The only reason death is a bad thing is because it is bad for the living.”

“I was convinced (still I am, in fact) that there's no such thing as a novel, astonishing or not, without a penis.”

“Immortality teases and frustrates man's imagination.”

“When we die we mourn the loss of such a magnificent sensation that is orgasm.”

“Straight men aren't my thing. I could never understand the gay fascination with straight men. They are not known for their fine treatment of women; why would they treat a homo any better?”