“I was convinced (still I am, in fact) that there's no such thing as a novel, astonishing or not, without a penis.”

“Straight men aren't my thing. I could never understand the gay fascination with straight men. They are not known for their fine treatment of women; why would they treat a homo any better?”

“The only reason death is a bad thing is because it is bad for the living.”

“There are some things that are better left unknown until the time is right. The time is not right until death, which, in my opinion, makes death something to look forward to, not dread.”

“You must understand the pain and grief of losing someone is nothing more than a function of survival.”

“Immortality teases and frustrates man's imagination.”

“When we die we mourn the loss of such a magnificent sensation that is orgasm.”