“A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.”

“I was in a grocery store. I saw a sign that said 'pet supplies.' So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said, 'Compact cars.”

“The sign said "eight items or less". So I changed my name to Les.”

“Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.”

“My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.”

“99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.”

“I went down to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you’re open 24 hours. He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.”