“I was trying to daydream but my mind kept wandering.”
“If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.”
“I tried to hang myself with a bungee cord. I kept almost dying.”
“If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?”
“I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.”
“Once I tried to kill myself with a bungee cord. I kept almost dying.”