“How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?”

“How do you get off a non-stop flight?”

“How did the fool and his money get together in the first place?”

“If Dracula can't see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?”

“When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.”

“You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.”

“I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was "Quote" so the last thing I said before I died would be "Unquote.”