“I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.”

“I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included. So I had to buy them again.”

“I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.”

“When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.”

“I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.”

“When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.”

“Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, "Do I know you?”