“I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”

“Did you sleep well?" "No, I made a couple of mistakes.”

“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.”

“Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.”

“If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.”

“I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was "Quote" so the last thing I said before I died would be "Unquote.”

“I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included. So I had to buy them again.”