“I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.”

“When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?”

“The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.”

“I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you’re not using?”

“I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.”

“In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Madagascar. She said, 'Cut it out.'”

“What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?”