“I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.”

“I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates".”

“My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.”

“You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment and nobody else shows up and you think maybe that's part of the experiment? I'm like that all the time.”

“I heard that in relativity theory, space and time are the same thing. Einstein discovered this when he kept showing up three miles late for his meetings.”

“I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.”

“I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.”