“I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.”

“You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.”

“You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time...”

“Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, "Do I know you?”

“The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?”

“I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.”

“I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.”