“I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.”

“I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.”

“If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?”

“When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.”

“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.”

“If you can’t hear me, it’s because I’m in parentheses.”

“It doesn’t matter what temperature a room is, it’s always room temperature.”