“I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.”

“I was in a grocery store. I saw a sign that said 'pet supplies.' So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said, 'Compact cars.”

“I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.”

“I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.”

“I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I didn’t have that much time.”

“If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?”

“You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time...”