“I spilled spot remover on my dog; now he's gone.”

“I don’t have to walk my dog anymore. I walked him all at once.”

“I named my dog Stay, so I can say, 'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!”

“When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.”

“I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.”

“I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, 'The whole time.”

“Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, "Do I know you?”