“I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.”

“I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.”

“I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wakeup letter.”

“I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.”

“I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.”

“The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?”

“In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Madagascar. She said, 'Cut it out.'”