“I was in the supermarket the other day, and I met a lady in the aisle where they keep the generic brands. Her name was 'woman.”

“The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?”

“I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you’re not using?”

“I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.”

“The other day I went to a tourist information booth and asked, 'Tell me about some of the people who were here last year.”

“I named my dog Stay, so I can say, 'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!”

“The sign said "eight items or less". So I changed my name to Les.”