“I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you’re not using?”

“I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.”

“When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?”

“I had the blues because I had no shoes until upon the street, I met a man who had no feet”

“I went down to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you’re open 24 hours. He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.”

“I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.”

“I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.”