“I was trying to daydream but my mind kept wandering.”

“Sorry... my mind was wandering... one time it went all the way to Venus and ordered a meal I couldn’t pay for.”

“I tried to hang myself with a bungee cord. I kept almost dying.”

“Once I tried to kill myself with a bungee cord. I kept almost dying.”

“I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it.”

“I heard that in relativity theory, space and time are the same thing. Einstein discovered this when he kept showing up three miles late for his meetings.”

“I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.”