“I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates".”

“Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, "Do I know you?”

“When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.”

“I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.”

“I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.”

“Sorry... my mind was wandering... one time it went all the way to Venus and ordered a meal I couldn’t pay for.”

“I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.”