“I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.”

“It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.”

“If you are killing time, are you damaging eternity?”

“Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.”

“Once I tried to kill myself with a bungee cord. I kept almost dying.”

“When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year.I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.”

“When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.”