“In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Madagascar. She said, 'Cut it out.'”

“So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I’m dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over...”

“Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.”

“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”

“I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension.”

“Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, "Do I know you?”

“I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.”