“It is like putting a dehumidifier and a humidifier in the same room and letting them fight it out.”

“Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their families came and took them away. Eighty years later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their deathbeds, next to each other. One of them looked at the other and said, 'So, what did you think?”

“I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.”

“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”

“It doesn’t matter what temperature a room is, it’s always room temperature.”

“You can't have everything ... where would you put it?”

“You cant have everything. Where would you put it?”