“Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang, 'Happy Birthday.”

“Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.”

“I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn’t park anywhere near the place.”

“Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.”

“Everyone who believes in psychokinesis raise my hand.”

“You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time...”

“I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wakeup letter.”