“My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.”

“I heard that in relativity theory, space and time are the same thing. Einstein discovered this when he kept showing up three miles late for his meetings.”

“I once locked my keys out of my car. I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.”

“Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.”

“Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, "Do I know you?”

“Everyone who believes in psychokinesis raise my hand.”

“I was trying to daydream but my mind kept wandering.”