“So I got off the plane and I forget to take off my seat-belt and I’m dragging the plane through the terminal... The wings are knocking people over...”

“I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.”

“In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Madagascar. She said, 'Cut it out.'”

“Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff?”

“I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.”

“I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension.”

“My friend has a baby. I’m recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.”