“Sometimes I talk to myself in languages I'm unfamiliar with... just to screw with my subconscious.”

“I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.”

“My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.”

“My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.”

“When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year.I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.”

“When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.”

“I tried to hang myself with a bungee cord. I kept almost dying.”