“There's no point in trying to drown your sorrows, Shaun; they swim better than I do.”

“A water birth was all she could think about apart from getting away from her husband, Mackay, the knight in shining armour who had proved to be a metal-plated misogynist.”

“Maybe that was the thing about beginnings - they always seemed better than middles or endings. And if only I ever had beginnings and my past was so perfect, then the future would never measure up. I didn't want to live like that.”

“Sometimes the best you can do is try not to be one of the bastards”

“I am standing like shoe polish on an overstocked shelf hoping that one day someone will pick me to make things better.”

“I’ve seen fish hooked who keep more patience in their worst gill than some of you have in your best moods. If you were a sandwich at McDonalds, they’d call you the McGrump.”

“If I am ever in the position where I wish to seduce someone I will simply assure her it’s better than rats.”