“This little piggie went to market(ing). This little piggie stayed home (to write). That's it. Story over. The third was an idiot.”

“If wishes were horses, paupers would ride. If the queen had balls, she'd be king. If I didn't have to WORK, I'd write stories all day.”

“This little piggy went to HadesThis little piggy stayed homeThis little piggy ate raw and steaming human fleshThis little piggy violated virginsAnd this little piggy clambered over a heap of dead bodies to get to the top”

“Half the time I have no idea what I'm doing. The other half, I'm trying to undo what I did when I didn't know what I was doing. That leaves, let's see now . . . one more half. That last half is divided into three halves, one for working, one for writing, and one for asking the mother of all rhetorical questions . . . WTF?”

“Humankind invented clocks to define eternity just as humankind invented religion to define God.”

“My skull looks happy!”

“i am makeshift confettiin a pile beneath the paper shredderif you throw me out the windowit will be festive for a momentthen everyone will think about brooms.”