“I'm 16 years old. Let me get my learner's permit first. then I'll worry about lifetime commitments”

“My son I worry about. I'm pretty sure he's gonna be gay. At this point I'm just hoping he's not a bottom. Sorry to sound closed-minded and uptight, but let's face it, no dad wants his son to be gay. Not only do you get no grandkids, but I'm sure high school is no picnic for a fifteen-year-old gay boy. On the other hand, maybe I'm just viewing this through the bifocals of an old heterosexual dude. The way things are going, my son will probably get his ass kicked for not being gay. 'Carolla thinks he's too good to suck cock. Come on boys, lets get him.”

“I'm just a regular 16 year old kid. I make good grilled cheese and I like girls.”

“Don't worry, Mel. Miracles don't work that way. I'll never lose you. I'll never let you get away from me.”

“Wait a minute. You expect me to stay overnight in a house with four single men? Sean grinned. We're perfect gentlemen, Kim. Everyone knows that. Don't let us worry you. I'm not worried about my reputation, I'm worried about the state of the bathrooms.”

“But Erin let it slide. The child was only four years old; she had a whole lifetime to learn about sadness. Today was for Dalmatians, ice cream and new dolls.”