“I think we love who we love and there’s not a damn thing that can be done about it.”

“Have you ever met a man who looked so damn delicious that you wanted to sop him up with a hot buttermilk biscuit and inhale him in one gulp?”“Why, yes, I have,” Doris said.That was a shocker. “Really? What happened?”“I married him.”

“Light mayonnaise is like masturbation—it approximates the real thing but leaves you unfulfilled,ultimately leading to fantasies about diving face-first into a big-ass jar of the real stuff.”

“Dear God, there couldn't be a single thing more humiliating in this entire world. Unless, of course, Hairy had been out here in his maxi pad. Thomas sighed. Walking around the house with that thing tied around his waist, Hairy had looked like a—well, he'd looked like an ugly dog in a Kotex. Thomas had laughed his ass off at first, but soon discovered the crazy scheme had saved him about three cleanup jobs in one evening alone.”

“That’sthe kind of dress that belongs on the floor, all wrinkled up, with the zipper broken and the sleeves torn.That dress isn’t right for you at all. In fact, I think you should take it off right now.”

“And I want cabana boys named Raoul to rubwarm, fragrant oil all over me, from head to toe, all over my throat and chest and my legs and arms. Iwant—”Theo pushed the chair back on the deck and it made a loud scraping sound. He grabbed Lucy’s faceand kissed her hard, then rose up and placed her on her feet, taking her hand.“Where are we going, Theo?”“Shh.” He stroked her hair as he led her inside. “The name’s Raoul.”

“When the time is right, you might right, you might consider telling Theo that you’ve been in love with him for a long time now.” Lucy sniffed. “And I’m supposed to do this without Milk Duds? As if!” Doris laughed. “You know, being true to yourself takes courage, Lucy. Great joy always requires great risk, and even effort.” “Yeah. OK. But I’ve always been more of a drive-through person.”