“Does all your underwear look like it belongs in a high-class strip show?”

“Humility is like underwear; essential,but indecent if it shows”

“There's a world I could do without: public underwear showings. There was a time in my lifetime when you had to open a J.C. Penney catalog to see people in their underwear. Now it's like the national pastime, hanging out in your underwear. I don't see why they have to pay anyone to model it.”

“Fact: I don't know of a single girl who doesn't wish the show-it-all boxer-shorts phenomenon would go away as well. Guys, we just don't want to see your underwear. Truthfully, we believe that there is a direct correlation between how much underwear you show and how much you've got upstairs, if you know what I mean.”

“Yellowstone Park does not belong to Wyoming. It belongs to all of us.”

“I'd like to see you move up to the goat class, where I think you belong.”