“If you were a sane woman, I would, of course, behave in a more rational fashion. Since you are a lunatic, however, this is the only way.”

“You can't do extraordinary things in the world if you're spending time criticizing others because they don't look or behave the way you think they should.”

“Thanks to April,” she whispered, “you have the wedding you’ve dreamed about ever since you were a little girl.”Dean’s boom of laughter was one more reason she loved this man with all her heart.”

“And Eth couldn't help looking. It's been years since he's seen a beautiful naked woman in the flesh. I'd be worried about him if he hadn't looked." "He's a minister!" "It was a blessed event. You sure you don't want me to hang that robe up?" "You're making a joke out of this." "Absolutely not. Only an insensitive jerk would think something this traumatic was funny. Tell you what. I'll go downstairs right this minute and kill him before he gets away.”

“When he overheard the boys whispering that he was a queer, he said he regarded that as a compliment since so many of the world’s great men had been homosexual. Alas, I’ve been sentenced to a life mundane heterosexuality. I can only hope that a few of you will be more fortunate.”

“The Cinderella story in reverse. I only wish there were ashes in the fireplace so I could order you to sweep them out.”

“Now, this is where I draw the line! It's bad enough everybody in town's going to be thinkin' I'm sleeping with a depressed, lice-ridden, hemorrhoidal foreigner who likes to be tied up and might be pregnant, although-since she's just about cornered the market on condoms-I don't know how that could have happened. But I will not-you listen to me, Emma!-I absolutely will not have anybody thinkin' a woman of mine needs a vaginal moisturizer, do you hear me?”